Spiky Stuff

Yesterday my people abandoned us so Miss Esme jumped out a window to go look for her and I waited and I waited and I waited and I waited and then my people came back and Miss Esme came back and I was really excited and my people took us all outside and I sniffed at some things and I peed on some things and that was really awesome and then I found a funny plant and I sniffed at it and I peed on it and I sniffed at it and then I rolled around in it and for some reason my people wasn’t happy so she whistled at me and I bounced at her and she said ouchouchouch and I didn’t think that was good so I wagged my tail and she said ouchouchouch and then I sat on her toes because that’s what I do when she is ouchy and she said ouchouchouch again and then she tied me to a tree and brushed me a lot and that was not very awesome but my people said it’s your fault and nexttimedontrollinthecactus and then she let me go play again but not near the funny plant and it was awesome!!!

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Halfway Celebration

We are still going places and today we went somewhere else and then we stopped and my people said it was the halfway point and we should celebrate so some peoples came and petted me and petted Skye and they would have petted Miss Esme but she didn’t think so and then the peoples took our picture and I thought that was a pretty good celebration and then we drove somewhere else and I had to pee on things and then we drove somewhere else and I had to pee on more things and then we ate dinner and now I am really really tired.

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Miss Esme: Camping is Not Good

Last night the Forever Axe Murderer capped off a day of torture and abuse by making us all sleep in a cloth box on the ground. This was Not Good. Obviously a cloth box is not going to stop even a Very Small Axe Murderer from killing us all. Also the ground is hard. But the Forever Axe Murderer forced us all inside and then she got inside and then she zipped the door. I do not understand the point of zipping a door. Zipping a door is not going to protect us from anything. Especially not Axe Murderers. Or Huns. Then the Forever Axe Murderer laid down on the ground and went to sleep. This was also Not Good. If the Forever Axe Murderer is asleep on the ground in a cloth box she cannot keep an eye out for other Axe Murderers. I did not understand the point of any of this but I was forced to go along with it and the World’s Dumbest Brother and Skye were no help because they just lay down and went to sleep.

Then at 2am I heard a Hun or maybe an Axe Murderer and no one else could be bothered to do anything so I had to bark at it from inside the cloth box. Which was when I figured out the only Good Thing about the whole situation. At least if the Forever Axe Murderer is sleeping on the ground it is much easier to stand on her while you bark at Huns so you can seem more ferocious and also have a better view when they attack.

The Forever Axe Murderer did not seem to appreciate my standing on her. I say that makes us almost even because I do not appreciate anything about any of this at all.

Peeing On Things

This morning my people put some things in the car and then she put me and my sisters in the car and then she put herself in the car and then we went somewhere and when we got out of the car we were somewhere that smelled really interesting and my people said it was called Pennsylvania and I had to pee on all of it so I peed on some grass and then I peed on a tree and then I peed on a signpost and then I peed on another tree and then I peed on some more grass and then I peed on the first tree again and then I peed on a stump but nothing happened so I turned around and peed on the stump facing the other way but nothing happened so I peed on the other side of the stump but nothing happened so I peed on the first side of the stump but nothing happened and my people said thatsnotworkingsowell and I peed on the other side of the stump facing the other way but nothing happened and my people said ithinkyouredriedout and I peed on the first side of the stump again but nothing happened and I peed on the other side of the stump facing the first way but nothing happened and my people said thisisgettingridiculous and she made me get back in the car.

My people says she refuses to take a picture of my peeing on the stump so here is a picture of my sisters sniffing a signpost instead.

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