Playing Outside

Today my people said it was time to clean the floor so she put us all outside to play.

Skye did not want to play. Or be outside. She got as close to the door as she could and squeaked. Then she lay down. In a puddle.

I got stuck in a tomato plant and squeaked until my people came outside and rescued me. She said it was very silly to be stuck in a tomato plant, especially when the tomato plant is only six inches high but tomato plants are kind of confusing. After she went back inside I got stuck in it again and she came and rescued me again and then I got stuck in a chair but she refused to rescue me that time.

Miss Esme didn’t want to play because there might be Axe Murderers so she carried on a conversation with a dog three houses down about whether there were any Axe Murderers around or whether it was just chickens.  Then my people came outside and told her to hush already so Miss Esme did some landscaping in the middle of the yard instead

When my people came outside she said we had to stay outside until the floor was dry and that we should all go play but we were tired so we all took naps instead. My people says when we are inside all we want to do is go outside and now that we are outside we should do something but it is very tiring getting stuck in tomato plants so I thought a nap seemed better.

My people says she doesn’t know why she has dogs at all if we are going to be like this. My people clearly does not understand how tiring it is being us.

Axe Murderers Are Unappreciative

Today the Forever Axe Murderer came home from abandoning us and we all went outside and she did something she calls Gardening where she digs holes and puts things in them and then digs more holes and puts things in those.  I decided to be helpful and so when she dug a hole I dug one too.

For some reason the Forever Axe Murderer did not appreciate this. She told me I was a Bad Dog.  Which was Not Good.

The Forever Axe Murderer says she doesn’t need holes in the middle of the yard, only where she is going to put plants. I think my hole was in a perfectly good place for plants and I also think that Axe Murderers have very limited ideas about Gardening.

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Squeaky Toys

My people said we should celebrate Miss Esme’s gotcha day so she brought home some new squeaky toys because Miss Esme likes squeaky toys and Miss Esme grabbed the squeakiest one and walked around going SQUEAKY SQUEAKY SQUEAKY and my people said goodgrief and Miss Esme went SQUEAKY SQUEAKY SQUEAKY and my people said Imgettingaheadache and Miss Esme went SQUEAKY SQUEAKY SQUEEEAAAAAK SQUEAKY SQUEAKY and my people said dear lordreally and then she said maybe Miss Esme should try finding a new way to play with her squeaky toys and I tried to show Miss Esme how to play tug and we tugged once and then Miss Esme left with the toy and went SQUEAKY SQUEAKY SQUEAKY and my people didn’t say anything but she sighed really loudly and then Miss Esme shook the toy and it hit me on the head and went SQUEAK and scared the orange stripey kitty and then Miss Esme shook the toy again and it hit me on the head again and went SQUEAK again and I wasn’t sure I liked that so I walked over to my human and Miss Esme came too and she shook her toy and it hit me on the head and went SQUEAK and my people said really?!?! and then I went to look out the window and Miss Esme came too and she shook her toy and it hit me on the head and went SQUEAK and then I decided to go somewhere else and play with my bone if she wasn’t going to play tug and now I am lying on my dog bed chewing on my bone and Miss Esme is standing next to me and she keeps shaking her toy and it keeps hitting me on the head and going SQUEAK and my people said something about Tylenol and left.

My people says she refuses to take a picture of Miss Esme shaking her toy and her toy hitting me on the head and going SQUEAK but she took a picture when we tugged so here it is.

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Barking at Nothing

This morning when my people took us outside I smelled something interesting so I barked at it and I barked at it and I barked at it and I bounced a little and my people said stopbarkingatnothing and I bounced at her and then I barked and I barked and I barked and my people said thereisnothingthere and I barked and I barked and I squeaked and I barked and my people said knockitoffdumbbutt and I barked and I bounced and I barked and I bounced and I barked and the thing I was barking at stuck its head up and my people said holycrapitsBambi! and I squeaked and I bounced and the bambi bounced and I squeaked and I wagged my tail and the bambi sort of wagged its tail and I bounced and it bounced away and that is how I met a bambi in the backyard.

Chain of Events

Because the Muppet Dog had a very hard life, she had to have some teeth removed.

Because she had some teeth removed the Muppet Dog is ouchy.

Because the Muppet Dog is ouchy she is even more crotchety than usual.

Because she is even more crotchety than usual she growls when she finishes her dinner.

Because she growls when she finishes her dinner the World’s Dumbest Dog squeaked at her in distress.

Because the World’s Dumbest Dog squeaked at her in distress she went and growled at Miss Esme instead.

Because she growled at Miss Esme instead Miss Esme ate her dinner really really really fast.

Because Miss Esme ate her dinner really really really fast she barfed her dinner back up again.

Because she barfed her dinner back up again Miss Esme growled at the Muppet Dog.

Because Miss Esme growled at the Muppet Dog the Muppet Dog went and stood on her squishy dog bed and growled at the World’s Dumbest Dog again.

Because the Muppet Dog stood on her squishy dog bed and growled at the World’s Dumbest Dog again the human moved her squishy dog bed to a different spot.

Because the human moved her squishy dog bed to a different spot the Muppet Dog stole the fuzzy blanket from the World’s Dumbest Dog.

Because the Muppet Dog stole the fuzzy blanket from the World’s Dumbest Dog, the World’s Dumbest Dog had to find somewhere else to lie down.

Because the World’s Dumbest Dog had to find somewhere else to lie down he went and sat on the welcome mat in the door to the dog room.

Because he went and sat on the welcome mat in the door to the dog room the World’s Dumbest Dog spotted a squeaky toy he had forgotten about.

Because the World’s Dumbest Dog spotted a squeaky toy he had forgotten about he started to play with the toy.

Because he started to play with the toy it went SQUEAK.

Because it went SQUEAK it woke up the Stripey Kitty very suddenly.

Because it woke up the Stripey Kitty very suddenly the Stripey Kitty went running out of the room.

Because the Stripey Kitty went running out of the room he startled the Visiting Cat.

Because he startled the Visiting Cat the Visiting Cat hissed at the Orange Kitten.

Because the Visiting Cat hissed at the Orange Kitten the Orange Kitten went running into the living room and startled Miss Esme who was napping on the rug.

Because the Orange Kitten went running into the living room and startled Miss Esme who was napping on the rug Miss Esme went running into the kitchen.

Because Miss Esme went running into the kitchen she ran into the Visiting Axe Murderer.

Because she ran into the Visiting Axe Murderer Miss Esme ran back into the living room as fast as possible.

Because Miss Esme ran back into the living room as fast as possible she squished the Stripey Kitty.

Because she squished the Stripey Kitty the Stripey Kitty squawked and ran up the stairs.

Because the Stripey Kitty squawked and ran up the stairs the Orange Kitten bolted back down the stairs.

Because the orange kitten bolted back down the stairs Miss Esme said WOOF rather loudly.

Because Miss Esme said WOOF rather loudly she startled the Orange Kitten.

Because the Orange Kitten was startled he ran through the door to the dog room.

Because he ran through the door to the dog room the Orange Kitten went right under the World’s Dumbest Dog.

Because the Orange Kitten went right under the World’s Dumbest Dog the World’s Dumbest Dog dropped his squeaky toy in surprise.

Because the World’s Dumbest Dog dropped his squeaky toy in surprise it landed right on the Orange Kitten.

And that is why the Orange Kitten is wearing a squeaky toy on his head.